This is an excerpt from my upcoming new Book and Podcast called “Depression Logs The Unauthorized Biography Of My Journey Through Depression”

Tonight is a brightly Moon lit warm night on the outside but inside it is a cold dark lonely night. No one can tell by looking but it is pouring rain inside of me and I have no umbrella. Should I just stay in bed or get up and try to fool the world again is my only decision right now. The bed and the blanket is so tempting and very intoxicating to me in this fleeting moment. I stay in bed until I decide I cannot put it off any longer. I must get ready and go out into the world and face its cruel reality once more.

I am at work now as I appropriately enough work the graveyard shift. Few people, if any, come during that time but I must be there to survive mentally and financially. If I were not here I would surely be trying to sleep which I already do to much of anyway. I do not know if it is because of the darkness outside or inside but I am at most peace at night. As the minutes drag on it gives me time, maybe to much time, to contemplate my life. I am afraid that my past and present are building my future. A future I dread entering into but know that I must because I am more fearful not to go. I tremble the seconds of the night and early morning away until it is time to go home. I will go back to my welcoming bed and blanket to try and sleep another nightmarish day away.